Anatomy of a Press Release

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Cancel tomorrow night’s plans. Ampersand has an announcement.

 CLUB AMPERSAND presents DJ SAMANTHA RONSON (you know, Lindsay Lohan’s girlfriend) …

 

No, we don’t. But please, tell us more, ‘cause “Extra,” “Entertainment Tonight,” and every celeblog, supermarket tabloid and word from any “TV personality” on E! haven’t told me enough.

 

… on Thursday, December 11, 2008  10:00pm. SAMANTHA RONSON: will perform at Club Ampersand as the “FLVR” (flavor)…

 

Vowel removal is so hot right now.

 

… of the month for December.  FLVR is a monthly Thursday night at Club Ampersand; featuring Remixes and Mash-ups by Resident DJ Beverly Skillz and the celebrity of our choosing.

 

Ampersand gets first draft pick in this town. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are on a waiting list. It’s that exclusive.

 

With all of the recent press coverage about her and her rumored better half, Lindsay Lohan, why wouldn’t you want to see her in person?

 

You know, you’re right. Your rhetorical question got me thinking, and I have to say, seeing a real-life pseudo-lesbian couple would absolutely be worth the $15 advance ticket price. It’s a bargain, really. I can stare and gawk and bask in their hipsterdom, $9 beer in hand, slowly swaying (ironically, of course) to Jay-Z and Oasis mash-ups.

 Ronson always draws the ‘A’ List crowds, who knows who else will be there.

 

Don’t tell me. Lindsay Lohan?

 

Lindsay Lohan is scheduled to make an appearance to support her girlfriend or best friend.

 

I was right! I suppose my attendance will either confirm or deny their relationship, thus putting me “in the know,” and maybe becoming a potential source for Perez Hilton or OK! Magazine.

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