New Orleans, I know you’re mad at me. I watch the news and read the paper, grudgingly, and god knows I saw that story in the New York Times. Talk about embarrassing. I mean, really — my mom, a Floridian, reads that. What I can’t figure out is, why? Why all the hate, NOLA? One minute, we’re getting along great, sharing shrimp po-boys and Hansen’s Sno-Blizes and taking sunset walks in the Quarter, and the next, all I see are media members calling me a "distressing," "startling" "sham." What gives, people? Along with national humiliation and nightly accusations of fraud by some dude, Lee Zurik, who I’ve never even met, I now have the feds breathing down my neck for lord knows what. Hey, Lee, thanks for that. Enjoy your promotion — you can send the thank-you card to Noah Bonaparte Pais c/o Gambit Weekly, 3923 Bienvi … Wha? New Orleans Affordable huh? Yeah, sure — next you’re gonna tell me all that positive press wasn’t directed at me, either! Psh, whateve … Wait, you’re saying there really is a New Orleans Adolescent Hospital and a New Orleans Alliance for Hope? OK, thanks, good to know. Carry on.             

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