N.O. summer wedding guide: Brad-and-Angelina-style

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With Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie possibly tying the knot this summer in New Orleans, I thought I’d give some New Orleans wedding pointers to the bride and groom to-be.

First of all, the idea of getting married in New Orleans in the summer is bewildering to me. Of the 67 local weddings I’ve been to, none of them have been in the summer. Besides being in the middle of hurricane season, the combination of formalwear and 110-degree heat index levels make me sweat just imagining it. But if anyone can pull off looking fabulous while sweat runs down their backs, it’s those two. As a precaution, you may want to have your A/C repair man stop by a week before to check on things, because you never know when that things going to blow out on you, especially in an old French Quarter house.

Also, whether a couple is from New Orleans or not, a wedding reception in the city should absolutely be concluded with a second-line. As a tip, if you choose to dance to Rebirth’s “Do Watcha Wanna”, which does happen to be my favorite, it’s more than eight minutes long. So prepare yourselves for some arm soreness the next day from all that hanky-waving.

Other summer wedding tips:

- Wedding programs make really good fans; stick a handle on that thing so people can stay cool and reference the A-List wedding party at the same time. Jonah Hill will appreciate that.
- Cover the too-often lingering smell of heat-meets-urine-meets-alcohol in the streets of the quarter by using fragrant flowers. (Will jasmine be blooming?) Or just invite Matthew McConaughey to the wedding and his human musk will cover up any smell.
- Serve the seafood of the season, and stay away from crawfish this late in the year. You don’t want Michael Fassbender getting sick.

I have to think that a huge draw to getting married down here, when the couple and their family could celebrate anywhere in the world, is because of our down-home, “Welcome! Enjoy our town! We’ll leave you alone as much as possible!” mentality. So if things start to get crazy, with the likes of people like George Clooney, Julia Roberts and Johnny Depp in town to celebrate the nuptials, let’s all keep that in mind. We welcome you! We want you to enjoy our town! And now we’ll leave you alone! (And we’ll wait to tell Hollie the next day!)

More than a decade ago I wrote an article about New Orleans celebrity weddings. I don’t remember much about it, but the wedding that stood out the most was that of the late Al Copeland and his fourth wife, which included Disney castle-inspired decorations and a Cinderella carriage drawn by white horses. The wedding was all people could talk about that week. I have a feeling that if this thing gets pulled off, we’re going to have a lot more to talk about.

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