by Kevin Allman
A friend in Washington state just received a letter from U.S. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, who apparently uses Lafayette-based Iberia Bank as the repository for U.S. government funds. Who knew Lafayette was such an international banking hub?
The email was delayed eight months for some reason (perhaps because the government uses the "Globomail" domain instead of something.gov?), but the real news is that Timothy is, in his own words, "versatile":
U.S. Department of the Treasury
1500 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
I am Timothy F. Geithner. The Secretary of the Treasury under the U.S Department of the Treasury. The executive agency responsible for promoting economic prosperity and ensuring the financial security of the United States. However, by virtue of my position as the Secretary of the Treasury, I have irrevocably instructed the Federal Reserve Bank to approve your fund release via issuance of a CERTIFIED CHECK drawn on IBERIA BANK, which is the authourized bank for your fund release.
However, as a former President and Chief Executive Officer of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, and being a versatile banker of repute with about 25 years experience in the financial sector, I wish to state categorically that a CERTIFIED CHECK of $6,500,000.00 USD drawn on IBERIA BANK will be issued and sent to you via the US Postal Service at no cost to you. Every and all cost associated with the delivery of the CHECK has been pre-paid by the U.S Government. The only cost associated with your fund release is the cost of processing a "Fund Clearance Certificate", which is estimated to the value of $150.00 USD.
More from "Timothy Geithner" under da jump ...
The "Fund Clearance Certificate" is required in accordance with the U.S Monetary Policy; and it is the ONLY expenses you will incurr before the CHECK will be sent to your mailing address. Hence, you are advised to send the $150.00 USD via Western Union or MoneyGram ONLY to "EDWARD JONES" who is the nominated receiver for the $150.00 USD. The wiring details is state! d below:
Receiver: Edward Jones
Receiver's Location: Louisiana, USA
Test Question: Fruit
Amount: $150.00 USD
I love the level of security here.
"Can I have my $6.5 million?"
"Sure, but you have to pass a test first. Fruit?"
"Sir, your funds will be released immediately. Have a good day."
"Thanks, Edward. Oh, and say hi to Tim for me."