by Red Cotton
Sunday before last, you may have wondered why your mouth broke into a spontaneous smile for no apparent reason. Well, there was a gloriously wonderful reason. The VIP kids were rolling Uptown, tearing up the streets with little leprechaun feet. In an effort to offset our collective suffering due to the massive traffic snarls taking place all over the city, our future civic leaders jumped in to help speed up the pace on The Great Dig Project which was recently initiated by one of their peers, juvenile behaviors favorite spokesperson Mayor Nagin. Even though his tenures last cry for negative attention proves what weve come to know: All f*&^ked up roads lead to the big bald chocolate child, the VIP children nonetheless generously lent their technical assistance to Boh Brothers in the form of fancy footwork, drop it like its hot jackhammer moves, and a massive crowd steamroll for several hours. Its highly unlikely theyll be compensated for all their hard work though since theyre not on the approved list of contractors that line the malicious little toddlers pockets with our tax dollars (aren't you excited about the upcoming citywide celebration when he finally storms back to his playpen in Dallas? 40 more days!) So the next time you see one of these beloved little public servants doing the damn thing for the love of New Orleans, make sure you give em a big POTUS-FLOTUS fist bump and tell em My blood pressure and car axle both thank you.
Now... to answer your other burning question: Why havent I been able to find any cowboy-style accessories for over a month? Blame it on the Treme Sidewalk Steppers who cleared the store shelves of all things country and western for their parade last month. When the Sidewalk Steppers come out the door, its always in tailor made outfits in rich imported leather. No scraping-it-together Chapter 13 suits for these club members, no sir. Were talking rich ostrich leather jumpers, gloves embossed with clubs 6th Ward coat of arms, lassos, lariats, illegal cockfighting rooster props - they even had the Rebirth playing a funky brass band version of the theme from Bonanza. It was in the forecast to rain all day but even Lord Have Mercy clocked out to watch the spectacular event which concluded with club president Charlie Browns traditional rooftop, leather-suit shredding finale. Once again, the Sidewalk Steppers achieve excellence in second lining by following the classic New Orleans parade fashion rule of thumb - More is MORE!
And the sexy shorty in the cowpoke mini at the 45 second mark is none other than Briana Burgau, in-house designer-stylist for the Sidewalk Steppers. Girlfriend is a hardcore fashion icon. I watched her slowly killing her feet on the altar of Louboutin for four solid hours down the streets of downtown, after which she partied on St. Bernard, as is the Sidewalk Steppers tradition, till the wee hours of the AM. A native New Orleanian, Ms. Bri works in the fashion industry in New York where stylish women run the Sex In The City 12K marathon in designer high heels so of course she can pull off a little four hour hometown parade without so much as breaking into a light mist. Meanwhile, I wore cowboy boots with jeans in an attempt to roll in solidarity and my feet quit my ass in the parades third hour and yelled at me for two days straight. Theyre on another level with theirs in the NYC so you local ladies dont even attempt this or your feet might put an attempted murder charge on you and you dont need that shit. OPP orange is not a good look.
Check out more second line parade videos on my youtube channel http://www.youtube.com/user/BigRedCotton. You can contact me directly (not with no BS though...) at firstname.lastname@example.org.