by Kevin Allman
If there's any doubt remaining that last week's debut of Steven Seagal Lawman was not the advent of "The Finest Program in the History of American Television!" (Gambit), consider this review of the show by Aaron Fleming:
Such is the dank Louisiana cityscape prior to the arrival of Steven Seagal. His very presence erases the bad, the sordid, the lustful nightmare dynamic of pent-up, foil-lipped libidinal excess thats spewing out over curb-stones and old grannies nightly. Seagal quells the mad rush of Tiamatian lunacy and unbounded eroticism. The jecks knew no limits before Seagal arrived to introduce a generous dose of civilisation. The panoptic eye gazes out from a gap in Seagals lower thigh.
Episode two of Steven Seagal: Lawman documents Seagals infinite hunger for justice, his undying determination to rid the streets of negative energy and mediocre Zen practitioners. The mission will demand all of Seagals powers. He will be forced to summon countless titbits of wisdom, applying knowledge to situations of dire import.
Certainty is rarely possessed by the hero. Its fleeting presence eludes the grasp of so many. Yet Seagal clenches certainty in all its plenitude, trapping its divinity in a single fist.
Do you need a cigarette after that? Or maybe just a slice of pizza. We can help you with the second one.
Face it, watching some West Bank punk get his ass handed to him on Martin Behrman Highway by the star of Today You Die is best experienced in a group. With
hallucinogenics beer. Thats why Gambit is hosting a viewing party for this weeks installment of Lawman, and youre invited.
WHERE: Theos Pizza Mid-City (4024 Canal at Carrollton)
WHEN: Wed., Dec. 9, 8:30-10 pm (show starts at 9 pm)
DETAILS: You pay for your own pizza and beer, punk. (Theos will have a $10 bottled wine special.)
A&E has sent along some Seagal-worthy swag to give away (click for merch pix), and well have a Seagal-esque trivia contest for additional prizes, including these two DVDs picked up last weekend from
the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences a going-out-of-business Blockbuster on Metairie Road:
So: Wednesday night. Theo's. We'll be in the back. See you