Just about every day for the past two years I've gotten an email from Adrenaline PR's metal publicist Maria Ferrero, and just as surely I've deleted it. Don't get me wrong: I was happy to hear that Richmond, Va., thrashers Municipal Waste got three dates in Germany to open their Massive Aggressive, "Waste the World" tour. We just didn't seem to have much utility for that information here at Gambit.
The Album: Blackheart Revolution
The Message: Self-loathing Debbie Harry-type rises out of a pit of flames, Joan of Arc-style.
Bonus Points For: theatrical proscenium, hammered-steel nameplate, dramatic mascara-tears
The Album: Relentless
The Message: Brawny warrior brandishes a leaky fountain pen over a landscape of skulls. Clearly mightier than the sword.
Bonus Points For: aesthetic presentation, spooky lighting, convincingly badass scream-o face
The Album: Mirror of Retribution
The Message: Consonant-loving Taiwanese vamps sharpen teeth, get head henna and evoke everyone's worst J-horror nightmare.
Bonus Points For: sharpened teeth, head henna, the one dude with a hankie over his face, the other dude with pink eye
The Album: Lust in Space
The Message: Pink ladies pine for grown men dressed as action figures from space.
Bonus Points For: no bonus points needed winner!