Breaking News: Perrilloux Kicked Off Tigers For Failing To Win Four Heismans

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Ryan Perrilloux, a reserve quarterback for the defending national champion LSU Tigers, today was kicked off the team for a breach of contract, sources revealed, after the university’s math department deduced that the sophomore’s remaining eligibility will not allow for the four Heisman trophies Perrilloux promised the school as an incoming freshman. 

“A deal’s a deal,” head coach Les Miles said at Friday morning’s spring practice. “He can go win those other three Heismans for somebody else.”

Perrilloux, for once, had no comment.

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